:19:26
l want to confess as best l can...
:19:29
but my heart is void.
:19:32
The void is a mirror.
:19:35
l see my face...
:19:38
and feel loathing and horror.
:19:49
My indifference to men
has shut me out.
:19:56
l live now in a world of ghosts...
:19:59
a prisoner in my dreams.
:20:02
- Yet you do not want to die.
- Yes, l do.
:20:06
What are you waiting for?
:20:09
Knowledge.
:20:11
You want an guarantee.
:20:13
Call it what you will.
:20:21
ls it so hard to conceive God
with one's senses?
:20:26
Why must He hide in a midst
of vague promises...
:20:29
and invisible miracles?
:20:33
How are we to believe the believers
when we don't believe ourselves?
:20:37
What will become of us
who want to believe, but cannot?
:20:41
And what of those
who neither will nor can believe?
:20:45
Why can l not kill God within me?
:20:48
Why does He go on living
in a painful, humiliating way?
:20:51
l want to tear Him out of my heart...
:20:55
but He remains a mocking reality...
:20:59
which l cannot get rid of.