:12:02
You put your hand over the mouthpiece
so he doesn't hear you breathing.
:12:06
Then he'll think there's something wrong
with the connection...
:12:08
- and hang up.
- Yeah.
:12:10
Then, of course, you've got to get out
of the house at night...
:12:13
- without arousing suspicion.
- You do, don't you?
:12:17
Unless you're unemployed
and have your afternoons free.
:12:19
Oh. Well, I could say
that I was at the office working late.
:12:24
And what happens
if Ruth should phone you there...
:12:25
and find you're not there working late?
:12:28
- Oh.
- Which brings us to basic principle number one.
:12:32
Never, never say you'll be...
:12:34
where you can be found not to be.
:12:39
Yes. I can see that.
:12:41
Boy, oh, boy. It gets
pretty complicated, doesn't it?
:12:43
Protecting your loved ones
is never easy, kid.
:12:46
Yes. Then how do you get out of the house
at night without arousing suspicion?
:12:51
Well, it depends upon
the kind of wife you've got.
:12:55
This guy I knew,
he invented a brilliant gambit.
:12:58
He used what he called
the "bust-up scene. "
:13:01
He'd provoke a fight.
:13:03
- Joe?
- Yeah?
:13:06
- Hi, baby.
- Hi, honey.
:13:08
- How are the kids?
- Fine.
:13:10
- Good. What's for dinner?
- Chicken.
:13:12
Chicken? We just had that
two days ago.
:13:15
No. That was last Thursday
we had chicken.
:13:17
- Are you callin' me a liar?
- No, honey. I just-
:13:21
A man kills himself workin'
for his wife and family all day long.
:13:24
What does he get when he gets home?
Chicken and insults.
:13:27
- Honey.
- It's not bad enough we have chicken every day-
:13:30
We do not have chicken every day.
:13:32
Why don't you learn how to cook
somethin' else for a change?
:13:34
I do! Yesterday,
we had pot roast.
:13:36
- That was pot roast, huh?
- Yeah!
:13:38
Tasted more like the pot
than the roast.
:13:41
- Are you complaining about my cooking?
- Yes.
:13:44
Well, if you don't like it,
why don't you go someplace else?
:13:47
- All right! I will!
- All right! Go ahead!
:13:49
Aw, quiet!