:13:07
Mother is in my thoughts
nearly every day...
:13:11
although she's been dead
for over 20 years.
:13:15
I remember
she would often seek...
:13:17
the solitude and peace
of the grounds.
:13:20
I also remember that I would
follow her at a distance...
:13:24
and spy on her
without really meaning to...
:13:28
because I loved her
to such a jealous extreme.
:13:32
I loved her because
she was so gentle...
:13:34
and beautiful and alive...
:13:37
and so all-pervadingly
present.
:13:40
But she could also be cold,
playfully cruel...
:13:43
and rebuff me.
:13:47
Yet I could not help
feeling sorry for her...
:13:51
and now that I'm older,
I understand her much better.
:13:56
I wish I could
see her again...
:13:58
to tell her
what I understand...
:14:01
of her boredom,
her impatience...
:14:04
her longing
and her loneliness.
:14:17
And when the wicked witch
at last realized...
:14:21
that little Gretel
had tricked her...
:14:23
her nose started
to grow and grow.
:14:26
At Twelfth Night
Mother always gave a party...
:14:29
and Aunt Olga would come
with her magic lantern...
:14:33
and her fairy tales.
:14:35
I always felt frightened
and left out.
:14:37
When Mother spoke to me
in her hurried way...
:14:40
I could hardly understand
what she wanted of me.
:14:43
Mother and Maria always had
many things to whisper about...
:14:47
but then they were so alike.
:14:49
Jealously I used to wonder what
they were laughing at together.
:14:53
Everyone was in gay spirits.
:14:56
I was the only one who couldn't
join in the merriment.
:14:59
Another time,
I remember it was autumn...