:52:14
You always looked so nice,
so I wanted to be nice.
:52:18
I always worried that you
wouldn't like my appearance.
:52:24
I was so ugly. Lean and
angular with big cow's eyes,
:52:29
and big wide lips
andno eyebrows.
:52:34
My arms were too thin
and my feet too big.
:52:38
No, I thought
I looked repulsive.
:52:42
Once you said:
"You should have been a boy, "
:52:46
and laughed so
I wouldn't be upset.
:52:50
I was, of course. Then one day your
suitcases would be downstairs
:52:56
and you'd be talking on the
phone in a foreign language.
:53:01
I used to pray that something
would stop you from going,
:53:06
butyou always went.
:53:09
You'd putyour arms
around me and kiss me
:53:13
and look at me and smile.
:53:18
You smelled
nice but strange.
:53:22
You yourself were a stranger, already
on your way. You didn't see me.
:53:28
Then you'd be gone.
I used to think, "Now I'll die,
:53:34
"it hurts so much.
I'll never be happy again.
:53:39
"How can I bear such
pain for two months?"
:53:54
And I'd cry In Papa's lap.
He'd sit quite still
:53:58
with his soft hand on my head.