Nine Months
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:31:03
I also want a patient
who won't bite me.

:31:06
Last month,
I received my new license,

:31:08
and now
I deliver human babies.

:31:10
O.K., now,
I have a computer program here

:31:13
that I have written myself
:31:15
that will calculate
your due date very accurately.

:31:18
O.K.?
:31:20
Fine. When was the first day
of your last menopause?

:31:24
- Menopause?
- Menstruation.

:31:25
Menstruation.
:31:26
Period.
:31:27
End of sentence.
:31:29
March 1 1 th.
:31:31
March 1 1 th.
:31:32
March 1 1 th.
:31:35
O.K.
:31:37
Here it comes.
:31:40
The baby will be due
December 8th.

:31:43
O.K.
:31:45
Congratulations. The baby
was conceived March 1 7 th.

:31:48
Oh, that's clever.
:31:50
Most people know that,
:31:52
but some people
are too drunk to remember.

:31:55
Oh, my God.
:31:56
What is wrong?
:32:00
I'm not the father.
:32:01
What?
:32:02
Oh, my God.
:32:03
On March 1 7 th,
I was away

:32:06
at a child psychiatry conference
in Boston, remember?

:32:10
What are you
saying?

:32:12
I'll leave you two alone.
:32:14
That's fine.
I'm going.

:32:15
No! Wait!
Come back! Sit down!

:32:17
Samuel, sit down!
:32:19
Check your computer
again!

:32:20
It is--the computer
is very accurate.

:32:23
Check the goddamn
computer.

:32:24
Check it!
:32:25
Don't yell at me!
Please don't do this.

:32:28
I spent a year
in Afghanistan.

:32:30
I have sometimes
very low tolerance for pressure.

:32:33
Come on!
:32:34
O.K. What is wrong
with the thing?

:32:37
Oh, fuck me!
It's not working.

:32:39
[Cursing In Russian]
:32:41
Hold on. O.K.
What is wrong?

:32:43
Oh, O.K. O.K.
Excuse me.

:32:45
This is the problem.
:32:48
It is feces
flying into the fan.

:32:50
There are function keys
for humans and simians,

:32:53
and you're not a simian.
:32:54
No, I'm not.
:32:56
I had you as a baboon.
:32:58
Sorry. I didn't...

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