Chasing Amy
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:29:00
As stupid as you usually come off
during this little diatribe of yours,

:29:04
you're gonna come off ten times
as stupid on this occasion.

:29:06
I lost my tolerance for the baggage
that comes with eating girls out.

:29:09
What's the big deal ?
:29:11
If you say the smell,
so help me, I will slug you.

:29:14
Not the smell.
The smell is good.

:29:16
I'm talking about not being
able to do it properly.

:29:19
My mother
brought me up to believe...

:29:21
if I can't do something right,
I shouldn't do it at all.

:29:23
Of course, my father told me she gave
lousy head, but that's beside the point.

:29:27
Well, at least you blame yourself
for your sexual inadequacies.

:29:30
No. I blame them.
:29:33
Chicks never help you out.
They never tell you what to do, right ?

:29:38
And most oft hem are all self-conscious
about the smell factor.

:29:41
And, so, most of the time, they just lay
there frozen like a deer in headlights.

:29:46
I mean, not for nothing,
but when a chick goes down on me,

:29:48
I let her know where to go
and what the status is.

:29:52
You gotta handle it like
CNN and the Weather Channel.

:29:56
Constant updates.
:29:58
- You are such an idiot.
:30:00
No, no, he's got a point.
I mean, that's how I was in high school.

:30:04
You know, all nervous and
inhibited about being eaten out.

:30:07
But by the time I got
to college, that all changed.

:30:11
I've loosened up.
:30:13
I was like one of those guys at
the airport with those big flashlights,

:30:16
waving 'em this way, directing 'em
that way, telling 'em when to stop.

:30:20
And that's all I'm saying. It would
be different if chicks helped out.

:30:23
You know, pointed a guy
in the right direction.

:30:26
There'd be no bullshit, no wasted time
and no chance for permanent injuries.

:30:31
Permanent injuries ?
:30:33
Sure. You wanna see
something permanent ?

:30:37
- See that ?
- Uh-huh.

:30:39
I got that from Nina Rollins,
sophomore year.

:30:42
I'm going down on her,
right ?

:30:44
- Out of now here, her cat jumps on her.
:30:46
She does this big pelvic thrust, cracks
my tooth and sends it down my throat.

:30:52
I had to get a crown
for the stub.

:30:56
I got that beat.
I got that beat.

:30:59
Junior year, I'm going down
on Cynthia Slaterin her dorm room.


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