:03:00
Players sold their services
to the highest bidder,
:03:03
much like the hired guns
of the Old West.
:03:06
After playing for New England, San Diego,
Houston, St. Louis,
:03:11
a year for the Toronto Argonauts,
plus one season at the Desert Inn,
:03:15
I'm happy to finally play here
in the fine city of Miami.
:03:20
Minnesota.
:03:23
Whatever. Shit.
:03:25
Soon it was commonplace for entire teams
to change in search of greater profits.
:03:30
The Minneapolis Lakers moved to
Los Angeles, where there are no lakes.
:03:33
The Oilers moved to Tennessee,
where there's no oil.
:03:36
The Jazz moved to Salt Lake City
where they don't allow music.
:03:39
The Oakland Raiders moved to L.A.
And then back to Oakland.
:03:43
No one in L.A. Seemed to notice.
:03:45
The search for greener pastures went on.
Continued expansion diluted
:03:51
the talent pool, forcing owners
:03:53
to recruit heavily from prisons,
mental institutions and Texas.
:03:57
Fistfighting and brawling
:04:00
overshadowed every athletic competition.
As the problems mounted,
:04:05
the fans became less and less interested.
To reverse the trend,
:04:10
major sports started interleague play.
Then they tried intersports play.
:04:19
But no matter how far major sports went,
it wasn't enough
:04:23
to bring the fans back.
:04:24
The spirit of athletic competition, though,
indeed was not dead.
:04:29
Its seed merely lay dormant
in the dreams of the young.
:04:34
You know, Remer, someday
I'm gonna be a big sports star.
:04:42
You know, Remer, someday
I'm gonna own a big sports bar.
:04:46
Hurry up, Coop.
- I just gotta water the plants.
:04:54
I don't wanna be with high school losers.
:04:56
This is Brittany Kaiser's house,
and I really wanna fuck her.