The Next Best Thing
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:31:00
- Oh, it's him.
- Back to the baggage--

:31:02
- Hello.
- Mum.
- Oh, darling. Oh.

:31:05
- What happened?
- Oh, nothing. Daddy had
a little accident.

:31:08
- It was the air waitress
that had the accident.
- We'll get thejacket cleaned, darling.

:31:11
- I just happened to be conveniently
located directly under her.
- Six hours of hell. How are you?

:31:13
- I'm fiine.
- You look a little thin.
- I'm not thin. Come on. Let's go.

:31:16
- Thankyou for shaving.
- I did shave.

:31:19
Ofcourse you shaved.
You look gorgeous.

:31:20
-Attention, travellers.: You are not--
- Hey, get, get, get, get outta there!

:31:23
- How's the gardening world?
- Fine, thanks.

:31:26
- Darling, you're miles away.
- I've stuffon my mind. I'm sorry.

:31:29
How's your friend Abbie?
:31:32
- She's fiine.
- How's her love life?

:31:34
Well, as a matter offact,
she's, uh, pregnant.

:31:37
- No. When did she get married?
- She didn't.

:31:39
Who's the father?
:31:41
Actually, it's, uh, me.
:31:44
Abbie is pregnant with my child
and your grandchild.

:31:48
Is she? Really?
:31:51
- Do you mean it was all a joke?
- What?

:31:53
- You're not really queer?
- Shh. Loweryour voice to a shriek.

:31:56
Ofcourse I'm queer. It'sjust
that I'm having a baby as well.

:31:58
- I'm confused.
- Well, I'm not.

:32:00
You're going to make
a laughing stock ofthe family.

:32:03
- Child needs a role model,
someone to look up to.
- Well, I'll wear heels.

:32:07
Ifyou were younger,
I'd take you over my knee...

:32:09
and thrash
the living daylights out ofyou.

:32:11
I thinkyou mean
ifyou were younger, Dad.

:32:15
I'm getting a taxi.
I'll see you at the hotel.

:32:19
Oh, God, he's a bore, isn't he?
:32:23
Thank goodness you're here.
:32:27
- I just don't know
if I can do it or not.
- Well, no one's ever ready for a baby.

:32:30
But I'll tell you one thing: having
a child is the best thing in the world.

:32:34
It stops you from worrying
about yourself.

:32:37
There's something more important
than you in the world...

:32:39
and that's such a relief
in the end.

:32:41
I don't know. Itjust seems like
such a huge responsibility
to take on overnight.

:32:45
It's an opportunity that's come up.
It won't come up again.

:32:50
I can't tell you to do it,
but I can tell you...

:32:52
think very carefully
before you don't do it.

:32:54
Having you is the best thing
that ever happened to me.

:32:57
- Oh, Mum.
- Even though you've been...

:32:58
an enormous disappointment
in many ways.


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