The Next Best Thing
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:34:03
You just have to be a father...
:34:06
and a friend.
:34:10
- You what?
- Robert Robert?

:34:12
- Gay Robert Robert?
- Hejust goes by Robert now.

:34:15
- You are outrageous.
- I would not kick him out of bed.

:34:17
He defiinitely falls into
the "what a waste" category.

:34:19
- Totally.
- So what was it like?

:34:21
- Did he rise to the occasion?
- Obviously he did.

:34:23
Hey, could we move past the sex part
and get onto the now part?

:34:26
- I'm having a baby.
- Oh, Abbie, that is so great.
- That is cool.

:34:29
- It's tough being
a single parent, Abbie.
- I'm not gonna be a single parent.

:34:32
- What?
- Robert's moving in with me...

:34:34
and we're gonna raise
the baby together.

:34:35
- Are you sure you know
what you're doing?
- Look, Robert is the
most incredible man...

:34:39
- I've ever met...
- Right.
- True.

:34:40
and he's hung in there
when my boyfriends haven't.

:34:42
That's true.
:34:44
And we're always gonna love each other
and be in each other's lives...

:34:46
and we're never getting married,
so we can't get divorced.

:34:50
You know, there's a certain
crazy logic to this...

:34:52
and Robert will do
everything a husband will do.

:34:54
- Exactly.
- Including not sleep with you.

:34:56
Yes, but I won't be
bitter and resentful about it.

:34:58
- Well, at least the kid
will be gorgeous.
- Oh, no doubt.

:35:01
- Will he be gay?
- Kelly!

:35:03
- What?
- Come on.
- Come on.

:35:04
My God. Will your kids
be stupid?

:35:11
- Good to have you here, David.
- Make yourselfat home.

:35:14
Anything you need,
just let us know.

:35:16
Okay. Thanks.
:35:19
- I feel like such an asshole.
- Why?

:35:22
Because, ifJoe's parents
hadn't kicked me out
and I didn't need this place...

:35:25
I wouldn't be helping you move out.
:35:26
- I'd be making a stand.
- Against what?

:35:28
Against this insane decision
that you're making, Robert.

:35:31
This is ridiculous.
You're gonna be miserable.

:35:33
Have you thought about
all the details, like your sex life?

:35:36
- Are you gonna even have one?
- Listen.

:35:37
If I was straight, and I turned gay,
you'd be thrilled.

:35:40
But the fact that I'm having
a baby with a woman-- Uhh!

:35:43
That's blowing your mind, David.
That's such a double standard.

:35:46
Oh, so your biological time clock
is ticking. That's it.

:35:48
- No, that is not it.
- Yeah.

:35:50
Actually, you know what?
I'm just bored of it all.

:35:53
I'm bored ofthe parties,
I'm bored ofthe drugs...

:35:55
I'm bored ofthe body obsession.
:35:57
I'm not in a relationship.
I don't see one coming, and it happened.

:35:59
It's not a sacrifiice, you know.
It's an opportunity.


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