My First Mister
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:09:01
Bad pain.
:09:02
All right.
:09:04
Do you have one?
:09:05
No, not there.
:09:07
You should get one.
It makes sex amazing.

:09:11
You have one here?
:09:14
No, not there either.
:09:16
You don't know
what you're missing.

:09:18
Well, i'm not the one
with a pair of dead man's pants...

:09:21
hanging from my labia.
:09:25
"It makes sex amazing. Ow!"
:09:29
Maybe i should get
some more piercings.

:09:32
I'm not busy.
:09:34
What is sex anyway?
:09:37
If memory serves...
:09:39
technically
i'm still a virgin.

:09:42
There was this one day
in third grade...

:09:45
when matthew kingsley came over
and we played doctor.

:09:49
He confused my vagina
with my anus...

:09:51
and took my temperature
with a fire-engine red crayon.

:09:55
From then on,
whenever i'd hear a siren...

:09:58
i'd giggle.
:10:02
I never had a boyfriend.
:10:04
I don't know what i'd do
with one if i did.

:10:07
Guys like calvin klein
g-string ad girls.

:10:10
I wear boxers.
:10:15
I once had an orgasm, though.
:10:19
With myself.
:10:21
I think.
:10:29
I'm gonna go to hell anyway.
:10:34
J! Yo, j!
:10:39
Eulogy number 432.
:10:42
She was loved by no one.
:10:44
She chose indifference
as her state of mind.

:10:47
She leaves behind
not even a memory...

:10:51
because...
:10:52
she never existed.

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