1:24:01
I swap hickeys with a drunk
woman after groping my abs
1:24:03
and calling me "Mr.LA."
She strips for me
1:24:04
in the bathroom of the club.
Sneak into the Guinness factory
1:24:06
and steal some stout
so good my dick goes hard.
1:24:08
I fly to Barcelona
which is a bust.
1:24:10
Too many fat American students,
too many lame meat markets.
1:24:12
I dropped acid
at the Sagrada Familia,
1:24:14
which was a trip,
to say the least.
1:24:15
Cruise up the coast
to Museo Gala Dali,
1:24:17
but had no more acid,
which sucked.
1:24:18
Some girl from Canada
calls me on my cell,
1:24:20
so I let her listen
to the church bells.
1:24:22
Canta Cruz is beautiful
but there are no girls there,
1:24:24
just old hippies.
So I went to Switzerland
1:24:25
where, ironically, I couldn't
find anyone with the time.
1:24:27
Took Glacier Express
to Shiltone
1:24:29
which is beautiful
in a way I can't describe.
1:24:31
EuroPass into Italy,
ended up in Venice,
1:24:33
met a hot girl who looks
like Rachel Leigh Cook,
1:24:34
and speaks better English
than I do.
1:24:35
She's living for a year
on only $5.00 a day.
1:24:38
We gondola around, buy hash.
She thinks I'm a capitalist--
1:24:40
my room costs more for one
night than her entire trip.
1:24:42
She doesn't mind much when I
pay the bills. I ditch her
1:24:44
and hook up with a couple
who obviously want a threesome.
1:24:46
Much tension, but the doofus
offers to drive me to Rome,
1:24:49
an offer I jump at. Traffic's
bad, we're stopped for hours.
1:24:52
The wife's a freak.
The guy wigs out on me.
1:24:55
It's like a Polanski film.
We stop in Florence,
1:24:57
where I see some big dome.
A bomb goes off
1:24:59
I lose the weird couple, which
is probably for the best.
1:25:01
Ended up in Rome,
which is big and hot and dirty.
1:25:03
Just like LA, but with ruins.
I went to the Vatican,
1:25:05
which is ridiculously opulent.
Stood for two hours
1:25:07
to get into the Sistine Chapel,
which now cleaned, looks fake.
1:25:09
I meet two underage Italian
girls who I try to talk
1:25:11
into fucking each other
while I jack off onto them.
1:25:13
Bored, I buy them some
ice cream instead.
1:25:15
My hotel has a gym,
so I work out.
1:25:16
I bump into some guy from
Camden who says he knows me,
1:25:18
but I'm sure that he's a fag,
so I lose him.
1:25:20
I try to fart
and instead shit my pants.
1:25:22
In my room I masturbate
and have a pain in my groin.
1:25:24
I dream about a beautiful girl,
half in water,
1:25:27
stretching her lean body.
She asks me if I like it.
1:25:28
I tell her
she can clean fish with it.
1:25:30
I don't know what it means,
but I wake well-rested,
1:25:32
masturbate in the shower,
and check out.
1:25:33
Make my way back to London,
hang out in Piccadilly Circus.
1:25:37
Swap shirts with some
upper-crusty Cambridge chick.
1:25:39
Hers was an Agnes B.;
mine, it cost me my Chanel.
1:25:41
She acts stuffy and prudish,
but is really wild underneath.
1:25:43
She barely looks at my abs,
though she wants to.
1:25:45
The next day I drop acid
and get lost in the subway
1:25:47
for a full day
and can't find my way out.
1:25:49
I meet a cute girl that
lets me jack off onto her
1:25:51
as long as no come gets
onto her Paul Smith coat.
1:25:53
We get stoned while listening
to Michael Jackson records.
1:25:54
The next morning,
I wake up talking to myself.
1:25:56
I had a big bump on my head
from flailing in my sleep.
1:25:58
I get my stuff
and barely make my plane