1:33:00
Thank you for giving
that letter to the cops.
1:33:03
I forgot I asked you to do it,
but it's a good thing you did
1:33:06
or Santa's little helper
would've plugged his ass.
1:33:08
Now the cops know I wrote it,
1:33:09
which is gonna keep my ass
out of jail.
1:33:11
That, plus everyone agreeing
1:33:13
that the Phoenix police
shooting an unarmed Santa
1:33:16
was even more fucked up
than Rodney King. "
1:33:19
"The cops are treating me
like fucking royalty now,
1:33:22
which is new in my experience.
1:33:23
They're gonna make me
a sensitivity counselor
1:33:25
so that tragedies like this
1:33:27
will never again embarrass
the whole fucking department.
1:33:30
I told the cops you had no one
to take the fuck care of you,
1:33:33
so they set it up
with Mrs. Santa's sister
1:33:35
watching you
till your dad gets back
1:33:37
in one year and three months.
1:33:38
They made her a guardian
pro tem or some such shit.
1:33:41
Anyway, she seems to like you
and your house and Jacuzzi.
1:33:44
I sent her some money,
1:33:46
so if you play
your cards right,
1:33:47
you can probably get her
to buy you something.
1:33:50
As for my little helper,
I'm sorry to have to tell you
1:33:53
that him and his
prune-faced, mail-order wife
1:33:55
are gonna be exploring
mountains with your dad.
1:33:57
I hope your dad doesn't go
sucking shit from them
1:34:00
like I did.
1:34:01
They're supposed to let me
out of this hospital room soon,
1:34:04
so get some sandwiches ready.
1:34:06
Until then, don't take
no shit from nobody,
1:34:09
least of all yourself.
1:34:11
Ho ho ho.
1:34:13
Your pal, Santa. "
1:34:19
Hey, loser.
1:34:22
I hear your buddy's not here
to protect you anymore.
1:34:27
See you got me a new bike.
1:34:29
Thanks a lot.
1:34:31
I'm talking to you, fat-ass!
1:34:33
Aaah!