1:02:04
But I love these girls.
I have learned so much about girls.
1:02:08
I've learned girls can be
a little bit more emotional than boys.
1:02:13
I spend half my life trying to figure out
what people are crying about.
1:02:17
" Honey, calm down,
and just tell me what happened."
1:02:21
" I came in, and I was gonna go
and play with them...
1:02:24
...but then they locked the door
and called me a stupid-head.
1:02:28
They said I couldn't be in their club.
1:02:31
I was looking for you,
and I was calling you and calling you--"
1:02:34
I'm like, "Honey, calm down. You'll scare
the children. Tell me what happened."
1:02:44
Men have no idea what to do with crying.
Men have been taught not to cry.
1:02:49
We can be out cutting firewood
with our buddies...
1:02:52
...we'll chainsaw our leg off at the knee.
We're like, "I'm all right. I'm all right.
1:02:57
Throw the leg in the cooler.
Hand me a beer. I'm all right."
1:03:09
Kids are great for a comedian
because kids are funny...
1:03:13
...without even trying to be funny.
1:03:15
My wife and my mother-in-law had ordered
bathing suits through the mail. Mail order.
1:03:20
So the bathing suits arrived.
They're trying them on.
1:03:24
My mother-in-law walks out
in her bathing suit.
1:03:27
My daughter looked at her and said:
1:03:29
"Gamma, you shouldn't draw on your legs
with a blue Magic Marker."
1:03:41
Needless to say, I had to mop up
the milk I had been drinking...
1:03:46
...because it was on the other side
of the room...
1:03:49
...which is pretty good distance
through your nose. That's right.
1:03:55
That's gonna sting a little while.