1:33:03
I said, "No, I'll pin a $20 bill to his collar
and wish him the best of luck.
1:33:10
Here's your sign."
1:33:13
Those were three good ones.
1:33:20
-Bill, what do you say you try one?
-Yeah, let me give it a shot.
1:33:25
A couple weeks ago,
my car broke down.
1:33:27
I was on the side of the road, the hood up,
smoke pouring out of the motor.
1:33:31
This guy stops to see if I'm all right,
but he asks the stupid question.
1:33:35
He goes, "Did your car break down? "
1:33:38
"Nope. Car wanted a cigarette,
so I pulled over.
1:33:42
Here's your sign."
1:33:45
I was in the store buying some pants.
1:33:47
I put the pants up on the counter...
1:33:49
...and the girl behind the counter goes,
"You gonna buy those? "
1:33:52
"Nope, gonna steal them. Just wanted you
to see them before I left the store."
1:33:58
Tell them about the one that you
done did over at what-you-call-her.
1:34:04
"Yeah, Bill, tell us about the one
you done did over at that deal there."
1:34:10
He just ended a sentence
in nine prepositions.
1:34:16
He's an overachiever.
1:34:19
I don't know about all that,
but tell it.
1:34:23
I know the one you're talking about.
All right.
1:34:26
I came out of the mall one day.
1:34:27
The guy parked next to me is standing there
with a coat hanger in his window.
1:34:32
And I could not stop myself.
1:34:35
I said, "You lock your keys in your car? "
1:34:40
He said, " Nope. Just washed it,
gonna hang it up to dry.
1:34:45
Here's your sign."
1:34:50
But the best one....
1:34:51
The best one I've seen yet
happened in Los Angeles, California.
1:34:54
I got stuck behind a big rig that wedged
his trailer up underneath an overpass.
1:34:58
Me and the trucker are waiting
on the tow truck driver.