:03:01
- This is Gay Line. How can I help?
- I am so fucked.
:03:05
- How so?
- Where do I start?
:03:13
- Hello?
- Start with the beginning.
:03:16
The beginning?
:03:18
Yes.
:03:20
When did it all start?
:03:23
The day I invited my parents to come
see my new apartment, I guess.
:03:27
No, Ma, don't touch anything
till the cops get here!
:03:30
- Want them to think you live like a pig?
- Why did this have to happen to us?
:03:34
No, that's not right.
In reality, it all started...
:03:38
... when my parents left Italy to come
to America and settled in Canada.
:03:42
Destination, Montreal.
And my father has yet to get over it.
:03:46
Nobody told us there was
two America:
:03:48
The real one, United State,
and the fake one, Canada.
:03:52
Then, to make matter even worse,
there's two Canada:
:03:56
The real one, Ontario,
and the fake one, Quebec.
:04:03
My parents tried desperately
to start a family...
:04:06
... but after many
unsuccessful attempts...
:04:09
... they pretty much
gave up on the idea.
:04:12
Get off of me.
:04:14
Then, after what my mother
refers to as...
:04:16
What your father did to me
while I was sleeping.
:04:19
... my sister Anna was born.
Followed by me, Angelo Barberini.
:04:24
I grew up in a quiet, peaceful
neighborhood. But from the inside...
:04:29
- No, you can't play in the park.
- You'll get kidnapped.
:04:32
- No, you can't go swimming.
- You'll drown.
:04:34
No, you can't go eat
at the Bouchards' house.
:04:37
- They're not Italian.
- Their food will kill you.
:04:45
Then there was my Aunt Yolanda.
Always trying to inject life...
:04:48
... into an otherwise
death-at-your-doorstep existence.
:04:53
Hey, Yo. Can you shut it, that music?
:04:57
What she has to be happy about,
I don't know.