:59:03
I hate shy women. I like extroverts,
I like women with a sense of humor.
:59:08
I like funny girls, funny women.
:59:11
But you gotta be good-looking too.
:59:13
I don't wanna fuck no funny, ugly bitch
and shit. I'd have me in the bed going:
:59:17
"Hey, baby, can you tell me
some more jokes, please?"
:59:20
Gotta be a good cook.
:59:21
I didn't realize my mother was
a good cook till after I moved out.
:59:24
When you're a child, if your mother
doesn't take you to McDonald's,
:59:26
you don't think she can cook.
I had one of those mothers,
:59:29
no matter what you want,
she has the ingredients at home.
:59:32
You say, "Ma, I wanna stop
and get some McDonald's."
:59:35
And she go,
"I got hamburger meat at home."
:59:38
"But I want McDonald's hamburger."
:59:41
"I'll make you a hamburger
better than McDonald's."
:59:44
"You cook better than McDonald's?"
:59:47
"That's right.
You can help Mama make it."
:59:49
You say, "Shit, that's better
than McDonald's."
:59:52
Your mother say,
"OK, go get me the big frying pan."
:59:54
So you hand her the frying pan
and she say:
:59:56
"I want you to go in the refrigerator
and get the meat
:59:59
and while you in there, get me a green
pepper and a onion." And you say:
1:00:04
"Ain't no green peppers
at McDonald's."
1:00:07
"I'm not making McDonald's,
I'm making Mama's burger.
1:00:09
"I need a green pepper and an onion
and get me an egg out too."
1:00:15
"What you need eggs for?
1:00:17
"I want hamburgers.
1:00:20
"You making Egg McMuffins."
1:00:26
"I'm not making an Egg McMuffin.
I don't know what no Egg McMuffin is.
1:00:29
Just get me the egg
and shut your mouth."
1:00:30
She take the egg and
the green peppers
1:00:32
and chop the peppers up
in big chunks.
1:00:34
Don't even dice it. Big chunks
of green peppers and onion
1:00:37
and mix the egg in and put
paprika and all this shit in it
1:00:40
and make a big meatball and put it
in the middle of this frying pan.
1:00:43
At McDonald's, the meat is this thin.
Your mother's shit is like this or fatter.
1:00:48
Green peppers hanging
out of it and shit.
1:00:50
And there's a big split in the middle
and grease is popping out.
1:00:53
You're looking at it while it's popping.
1:00:55
You're looking at the grease
in the pan and thinking:
1:00:57
"That don't look like no McDonald's."