:53:00
"You know, all I could use right now is
a fuckin' blow job and a cup of coffee."
:53:04
So the stewardess fuckin' goes bombin'
up from the back of the plane...
:53:07
to tell him
the microphone's still on.
:53:08
This guy in the back
of the plane's like, "Hey, hon,
don't forget the coffee."
:53:12
[ Chuckling ]
You ever been on a plane?
:53:15
No, but it's a fuckin' joke. It works
better if I tell it in the first person.
:53:18
Yeah, it does.
:53:23
I have been laid,
you know?
:53:25
Really? Good for you.
:53:27
- Big time, big time.
- Big time, huh?
:53:29
I went on a date last week.
:53:32
- How'd it go?
- It was good.
:53:35
- Goin' out again?
- I don't know.
:53:37
- Why?
- Haven't called her.
:53:39
- Christ, you're an amateur.
- I know what I'm doin'.
:53:42
Yeah. Don't worry about me.
I know what I'm doin'.
:53:46
Yeah, but this girl was, like,
you know, beautiful.
:53:48
She's smart. She's fun. She's different
from most of the girls I've been with.
:53:53
- So call her up, Romeo.
- Why, so I can realize
she's not that smart.
:53:56
That she's fuckin' boring?
You know, I mean, you don't--
:53:59
This girl's, like, fuckin' perfect
right now. I don't wanna ruin that.
:54:02
Maybe you're perfect right now.
Maybe you don't wanna ruin that.
:54:07
But I think that's
a super philosophy, Will.
:54:10
That way, you can go through
your entire life without ever
having to really know anybody.
:54:18
My wife used to fart
when she was nervous.
:54:20
She had all sorts
of wonderful idiosyncrasies.
:54:23
You know, she used to fart
in her sleep.
:54:25
Just thought I'd share that
with you.
:54:28
One night it was so loud,
it woke the dog up.
:54:30
[ Both Laughing ]
:54:34
She woke up and gone, like,
"Was that you?"
:54:36
I said, "Yeah." I didn't have
the heart to tell her. Oh, God.
:54:39
- She woke herself up? [ Laughing ]
- Yes.
:54:46
Oh, Christ. But, Will,
she's been dead two years
and that's the shit I remember.
:54:51
It's wonderful stuff, you know?
Little things like that.
:54:54
Yeah, but those are the things
I miss the most.
:54:58
Those little idiosyncrasies
that only I knew about.