:12:03
and I know the key
to a well-rounded college education
:12:06
is experimentation.
:12:10
Let me show you.
:12:13
This is an auction. Remember...
:12:15
you are not buying the girl,
:12:17
only her company, and sale does not
constitute sexual relations.
:12:21
(Groaning)
:12:23
(EL) I know. Believe me, I've tried.
:12:25
Without further ado,
let's introduce our first...person.
:12:29
- Laura!
- (Applause)
:12:32
Laura's from Long lsland.
:12:34
She likes the outdoors
and loves seafood.
:12:37
- OK, let's start the bidding at $5!
- $3.50!
:12:41
Good God, moneybags,
she's not a Happy meal.
:12:44
(Laughter)
:12:46
- $5.
- OK, we've got five. Do I hear 10?
:12:49
- 10 bucks.
- (Auctioneer calling)
:12:52
Who's got 15 bucks
for a lovely evening with Laura?!
:12:56
OK, we got 15. Who can beat 15?
Going once, going twice...
:13:00
Sold...to the captain.
:13:02
(Applause)
:13:07
There you are.
:13:08
- Hey, what's going on?
- Not much.
:13:11
- You look great.
- Thank you.
:13:13
You're welcome.
:13:15
Listen, Jacob's here,
and he's a total psycho...
:13:18
Can you go outbid him?
:13:21
You know what,
I didn't bring that much money.
:13:24
You don't understand. He's obsessed.
:13:29
See? That's fun, right?
:13:31
OK, OK. Now, I want you two
to kiss each other.
:13:37
All right, has anyone seen Beth?
There she is!
:13:40
- (Cheering)
- Say hi to the crowd, Beth.
:13:44
Hi.
:13:47
Can I hear a $5 opening bid?
:13:49
- $5 right here!
- Who can beat five?
:13:52
- Seven.
- $10.
:13:55
- $10! Going once. Going twice.
- $15!
:13:58
- 20.
- 25!