:05:01
A real winner. It's amazing to me
you turned out like you did...
:05:05
...with that sort of mentoring.
:05:07
I can't say don't make fun of me...
:05:09
...but you shouldn't make fun
of my mom.
:05:11
Guys, you got to hear this guy
on the Zander show.
:05:14
You're on your own.
:05:15
The family's ditched you. What next?
:05:17
Do you really care? It's actually not
an easy story to tell.
:05:21
I got four hours a day to fill, man.
:05:23
It's not often I get a freak
plopped into my lap.
:05:26
Go ahead. I'm a roast. Baste me.
:05:28
All right, man.
:05:30
My parents, my sister and I
all went to the Grand Canyon.
:05:33
While they checked out the sights
and donkeys and whatnot...
:05:36
- ... I somehow got separated from them.
- Makes his shot.
:05:40
Hey, Dad. Look. It's the good stuff.
:05:43
None of that pussy Skoal. Right, Dad?
:05:46
Dad?
:05:48
Mom!
:05:49
Dad! Mom!
:05:53
Where are you?!
:05:55
Dad!
:05:57
Mom! Where are you?!
:06:01
You can come out now.
:06:05
So there I was.
:06:07
A lot of kids would have been scared
but I was tough about it.
:06:10
I walked till the cops picked me up...
:06:12
...and put me into a foster home.
:06:15
One guy I fostered out to
for about a month.
:06:18
He'd take me hunting with him
and his dog.
:06:20
I thought hunting would be,
you know, more fun than it was.
:06:25
See, boy, he goes off and fetches
the duck. You see how that works?
:06:28
Fun, huh?
:06:33
After that, I spent time
with people who worked on a farm.
:06:37
I learned cows don't find
bottle rockets as funny as I do.
:06:56
Then there was this old lady
who had me for a couple weeks.
:06:59
I don't want to be unkind,
but she was a little off-balanced.