My First Mister
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:05:03
Do you wanna maybe
go have sushi?

:05:07
I'm a lesbian.
:05:09
I'm okay with that.
:05:12
Once, when i was 14,
i thought i was a lesbian.

:05:16
The question of my generation:
:05:18
To dive...
:05:20
or not to dive.
:05:23
But this one day,
my mom took me to her gym.

:05:25
She stuck me in the steam room
with a bunch of women...

:05:28
posing as elephants.
:05:39
Cured me of doubt.
:05:42
Now i masturbate to a picture
of freddie prinze, jr...

:05:45
and i'm quite certain
of my sexual preference.

:05:48
I'm cooking a brisket
for dinner tonight.

:05:52
A woman needs to eat blood
every now and again.

:05:55
She just really does.
:06:02
Oh, no, it's my musicals.
:06:04
When i have a brand-new hairdo
:06:08
with my eyelashes
all in curls

:06:13
i think my mother
was deeply affected by the divorce.

:06:17
I enjoy being a girl
:06:22
when men say i'm cute
and funny

:06:26
and my teeth aren't teeth
but pearls

:06:31
i just lap it up like honey
:06:35
i enjoy being a girl
:06:39
stop that.
:06:43
Dad, the sperm that bore me,
cheated on mom.

:06:46
Blah, blah, blah.
:06:48
Mom remarried.
:06:50
I think his name is bob.

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