:56:01
You came up with the ratings?
And you get a 99?
:56:03
- That's very interesting.
- Yeah?
:56:06
What are these, uh, based on?
:56:07
It's just a system.
I mean, that's your rating.
:56:09
I'm not saying
you're a bad person, Jake.
:56:11
No, you're just saying
I'm a bad bachelor.
:56:14
you're a better-than-average
bachelor.
:56:16
What -- what are the criteria?
:56:17
First, money.
You have none.
:56:20
Trust funds don't count
for shit
:56:21
because it's a red flag
that says,
:56:23
"Mommy and Daddy could turn off
the cash flow one day."
:56:25
So that right there keeps you
out of the top 1 0%.
:56:27
1 0% of the...gold diggers?
:56:29
1 0% period.
:56:32
Two...
:56:34
you got chronic bad breath.
:56:36
No offense,
:56:37
but most women won't sleep
with a guy with stank breath,
:56:40
so...
:56:42
Fuck you.
:56:43
You don't have to get
so annoyed, all right?
:56:45
What puts you
in the 99th percentile?
:56:47
That's what I'm wondering.
:56:48
Okay. Well, first of all,
l, um...
:56:52
What?
:56:53
Besides your salary
and all the money you make.
:56:55
All right.
:57:00
I happen to be blessed
with a very big dick.
:57:06
Genetics, man.
:57:08
Doesn't dyeing your hair
drop you down a few places?
:57:11
Nope. Not at all.
:57:13
Only bothers women
if it bothers me.
:57:15
Going gray does bother you.
:57:16
- No, it doesn't.
- Of course it does.
:57:17
If it didn't bother you,
you wouldn't smear that goop
:57:19
all over your scalp
10 billion times a day.
:57:21
Hey, it's a non-issue, Jake.
:57:24
Well, are table manners
an issue?
:57:26
See that silver thing
to the left of your plate?
:57:29
- That's called a fork.
- Mm-hmm.
:57:31
And when people eat rice,
they use chopsticks or a fork.
:57:34
Yeah, and grown people
don't eat...fried rice
:57:37
with their bare hands.
:57:40
You don't know how to behave.
:57:42
You're busting my balls
on the way I eat?
:57:43
You spend the whole week
:57:45
figuring out how to defraud
foreign governments --
:57:47
whatever you do --
and then you get out of there
:57:50
and you go out
to the strange world
:57:51
outside your office
called reality...
:57:55
and you don't know
how to behave.