:55:02
You need a girlfriend.
:55:05
- I need a girlfriend?
- Yeah.
:55:07
Wait a minute.
:55:09
When was the last time
you had a girlfriend?
:55:11
All right? When was
the last time you got laid?
:55:13
I've got prospects.
:55:14
- Yeah, you got prospects.
- I do.
:55:16
You know what?
:55:17
You're in the 62nd percentile
is what you are.
:55:21
- What is that?
- 62nd percentile?
:55:23
- Yeah.
- That's where you rate.
:55:25
All the bachelors in New York,
we're all competing
:55:27
for the same women --
well, the straight bachelors.
:55:29
And I'm in
the 62nd percentile?
:55:31
- Yes, sir.
- So in other words,
:55:32
I'm better than 62%
of the New York bachelors.
:55:35
You're rated higher
than them, yeah.
:55:36
But worse than what, 38%?
:55:39
37. No 100 percentile.
:55:40
How'd you come up with 62?
:55:42
There's a whole science
to figuring it out.
:55:45
There's a science
to figuring it out?
:55:46
That sounds very scientific.
:55:48
And if I may inquire,
what's your rating?
:55:50
- Funny you should ask.
- Hmm.
:55:51
Because I happen to fall
right in the 99 percentile.
:55:54
Of course.
:55:56
Who came up with the ratings?
:55:59
I did.
:56:01
You came up with the ratings?
And you get a 99?
:56:03
- That's very interesting.
- Yeah?
:56:06
What are these, uh, based on?
:56:07
It's just a system.
I mean, that's your rating.
:56:09
I'm not saying
you're a bad person, Jake.
:56:11
No, you're just saying
I'm a bad bachelor.
:56:14
you're a better-than-average
bachelor.
:56:16
What -- what are the criteria?
:56:17
First, money.
You have none.
:56:20
Trust funds don't count
for shit
:56:21
because it's a red flag
that says,
:56:23
"Mommy and Daddy could turn off
the cash flow one day."
:56:25
So that right there keeps you
out of the top 1 0%.
:56:27
1 0% of the...gold diggers?
:56:29
1 0% period.
:56:32
Two...
:56:34
you got chronic bad breath.
:56:36
No offense,
:56:37
but most women won't sleep
with a guy with stank breath,
:56:40
so...
:56:42
Fuck you.
:56:43
You don't have to get
so annoyed, all right?
:56:45
What puts you
in the 99th percentile?
:56:47
That's what I'm wondering.
:56:48
Okay. Well, first of all,
l, um...
:56:52
What?
:56:53
Besides your salary
and all the money you make.
:56:55
All right.