:47:00
God!
:47:05
Man, we gottastop laughing.
:47:07
l'm still recovering from
that Chinese puzzle!
:47:10
lt hurts, doesn't it?
:47:12
- ...HighSchool, where Mr. Delgado...
- Do you know her pager number?
:47:18
l think it was like 555- 0068
or something. Why?
:47:25
- Testing out your theory.
- No, Holden. Don't!
:47:29
Give me that!
You know what your problem is, Sam?
:47:32
You're pussy- whipped.
And you're not even getting any pussy.
:47:34
This Tanya is treating you like scum
and you stand up for her...
:47:38
because she makes your pecker
stand up. Give me the phone!
:47:41
- No! Go screw yourself, man!
- Precisely.
:47:45
That is the only way to stop awoman
from using your dick as astickshift...
:47:49
and driving you around town
on a full tank of your hormones!
:47:53
Take it from me, Sam.
:47:55
l cannot tell you the number of times
a girl has got me to fix her car...
:47:58
or paint her house or
take her husband to the airport!
:48:02
Show them damn farmers market and
sit through the pain- in- the- ass opera.
:48:05
- Shut up, Jason! Shut up!
- No, Jason's right.
:48:07
Jason's a meathead, but he's right.
:48:10
Now listen, Sam. l did all kinds of
these things because a guy's balls...
:48:15
are the biggest reservoir of hope
this world has ever seen!
:48:19
You know, trying to get laid by fixing
her fan belt is your fault, yours!
:48:23
Sam, you're so full of man gravy!
:48:27
Listen, you need to be more like me
and take matters into your own hands.
:48:31
Why do you think
they call it ''masturbate''?
:48:32
Because it allows you to be
the master of your own fate.
:48:36
And it 's not just a physical release.
:48:38
lt 's a release of women's
control over you! Jason!
:48:42
You don't need them,
they can't manipulate you.
:48:45
l'm doing this for your own good.
Today is your independence day, Sam!
:48:53
...watchingsome amazingstory...
:48:55
that... if... anyone...
:48:58
deservesa...