:27:02
I don't know
your husband
:27:03
but I do have a great deal
of insight into men.
:27:04
And we are mean,
hurtful and despicable.
:27:09
Male headquarters would kill me
:27:10
if they knew I was
telling you this.
:27:12
Yeah, well, "despicable"
is putting it mildly.
:27:14
And then,
you complain that
:27:16
we get half of everything.
:27:17
Believe me, after this type
of treatment
:27:19
half is the very least
we should get.
:27:21
The only thing you're getting
half of, honey
:27:22
is screwed.
:27:24
What do you mean?
:27:25
He served you first.
:27:26
He's in Texas, and he's got
home-court advantage.
:27:29
Wait. Served me first?
:27:31
What is this? Third grade?
:27:32
Yeah, sometimes.
:27:34
Texas has the most conservative
divorce laws
:27:36
in the country.
:27:37
Not to mention
those good ol' boy judges.
:27:40
Sure most of them aren't married
to their first wives.
:27:43
Believe me
:27:44
if I'd known
this was coming
:27:45
I'd have been the one
doing the serving.
:27:46
- Yeah.
- How about that, huh?
:27:47
Whatever.
:27:48
No, seriously.
:27:49
What would have happened
if I'd served him first?
:27:52
Okay, if you had served
him first
:27:53
the trial would have been
in New York...
:27:55
not in Texas... where you would
have fared a lot better.
:27:57
50% better, actually.
:28:13
Hey, I have a proposition
for you.
:28:16
You tear up the papers on me
:28:17
and I'll hire you
to serve my husband.
:28:18
I'll pay you twice
what you're getting now.
:28:20
Look, here's
what you don't understand.
:28:22
I've already told them
that I served you, okay?
:28:24
So if I flip it
and tag your husband
:28:26
my reputation will be shot.
:28:27
I'll never work again.
:28:29
I'll give you ten percent
of my divorce settlement.
:28:32
We own a cattle ranch.
:28:33
It's worth $20 million.
:28:36
$20 million?
:28:37
Mm-hmm.
:28:38
Ten percent of half?
:28:39
Mm-hmm.
:28:40
You're willing to pay me
a million dollars.
:28:42
Well, that still leaves
nine for me
:28:44
versus next to nothing.
:28:45
It's kind of a no-brainer.
:28:48
You're really serious?
:28:49
I think we should draw up
a contract.
:28:52
Let's see...
:28:54
Won't be needing this.