:05:01
First of all, Tammy Faye Bakker...
:05:03
...I want to say--
I'm kidding you! Come on!
:05:06
You know you're a redneck if:
:05:08
-Your mother can tell a state trooper to...
-Kiss her ass--
:05:11
...kiss her ass without taking
the Marlboro out of her mouth.
:05:14
You might be a redneck if you--
:05:16
Got a motor swinging from a tree.
:05:18
An engine swinging from a tree.
:05:19
Look at this belt, fellas.
:05:23
I didn't even know they made
a 28-button suit.
:05:29
You know you're a redneck if:
:05:31
You might be a redneck if--
:05:32
You know you're a redneck--
:05:34
-Mow your lawn--
-Mow your front yard--
:05:36
If you mow your grass, and you find a car.
:05:39
You might be a redneck if they
say at a dance " Do the hoedown"...
:05:42
...and you throw your girlfriend
on the floor.
:05:45
What's up, G?
:05:47
A lot of white people in here this evening.
:05:50
Where's my whores? Where's my whores?
:05:52
You look like my relatives!
You can't go on-stage dressed like that!
:06:01
Phoenix, Arizona, this is it!
:06:04
Are you guys ready to laugh?
:06:06
Make some noise, please,
for Mr. Ron White!
:06:17
Yesterday I was sitting in
a beanbag chair naked, eating Cheetos.
:06:22
I was flipping through the television,
and I saw Robert Tilton.
:06:25
He's a televangelist from Dallas,
and he was staring at me.
:06:32
He said this. He said:
:06:34
"Are you lonely? "
:06:38
Yeah.
:06:40
He said, " Have you wasted half your life
in bars pursuing sins of the flesh? "
:06:46
This guy's good!
:06:50
He said, "Are you sitting in
a beanbag chair naked, eating Cheetos? "
:06:57
Yes, sir!
:06:59
He said, "Do you feel the urge
to get up and send me $1 000? "