:06:01
Phoenix, Arizona, this is it!
:06:04
Are you guys ready to laugh?
:06:06
Make some noise, please,
for Mr. Ron White!
:06:17
Yesterday I was sitting in
a beanbag chair naked, eating Cheetos.
:06:22
I was flipping through the television,
and I saw Robert Tilton.
:06:25
He's a televangelist from Dallas,
and he was staring at me.
:06:32
He said this. He said:
:06:34
"Are you lonely? "
:06:38
Yeah.
:06:40
He said, " Have you wasted half your life
in bars pursuing sins of the flesh? "
:06:46
This guy's good!
:06:50
He said, "Are you sitting in
a beanbag chair naked, eating Cheetos? "
:06:57
Yes, sir!
:06:59
He said, "Do you feel the urge
to get up and send me $1 000? "
:07:04
Close! I thought he was talking
about me there for a second.
:07:11
So anyway, I flew here from Flagstaff
because my manager doesn't own a globe.
:07:19
I flew here on a plane that big...
:07:22
...Iike a pack of gum
with eight people in it, just:
:07:29
We took off from the Flagstaff Airport,
Hair Care and Tire Center there.
:07:37
We're traveling at half the speed
of smell.
:07:42
We got passed by a kite.
:07:45
There was a goose behind us,
and the pilot was going, "Go around!"
:07:53
We get halfway to Phoenix,
we gotta go back.
:07:57
It's a nine-minute flight...