:59:02
...had the letters m-a-l-e
painted on the side of it.
:59:08
By the time I was in the 1 1 th grade,
I was like, "That ain't right.
:59:13
That M is supposed
to be capitalized, isn't it? "
:59:20
That is a true story. When I was in
the 3rd grade, my uncle did that as a joke.
:59:25
And nobody got it.
:59:33
Not only am I a redneck,
I married into a special breed of them.
:59:39
My wife and her entire family
are from the great state of Louisiana.
:59:44
We were down there
about six or seven months ago.
:59:47
My wife's cousin got married
in Baton Rouge. We went for the wedding.
:59:51
We had my wife's
entire family together...
:59:54
...for the rehearsal dinner at Hooters.
:59:59
If I'm lying, I'm dying.
1:00:02
And our waitress that night
was qualified to work there.
1:00:08
Matter of fact, I'm pretty sure
she was on a scholarship.
1:00:13
The first time she walked up
to the table...
1:00:15
...my wife's uncle, Bud, looked
at her and went:
1:00:18
"Where did you get them things, girl? "
1:00:25
I thought she was gonna get mad. She didn't.
She was cool. She said, "l bought them."
1:00:31
Then Bud's wife, Lois, said,
"I've been thinking about buying me some."
1:00:35
Bud turned to Lois and said,
"You are 62 years old.
1:00:40
You getting a boob job
would be like hanging...
1:00:43
...a new chandelier in a haunted house."
1:00:51
She said,
"lf I put new lights in the house...
1:00:53
...you might stay in it
longer than two minutes."