:05:00
The man was a goddamn saint.
:05:03
l'm goin' to the bar with your dad.
You can come if you want.
:05:06
No, that's OK.
l'll stay here and do the dishes.
:05:08
l only cooked.
Why shouldn't l clean?
:05:10
Suit yourself.
But don't wash that pan.
:05:13
l got a layer of juice built up for the pork
roll, and l don't want you scrubbin' it off.
:05:18
That ''juice'' is called grease, Dad.
:05:20
lt's bad for you.
lt clogs your arteries.
:05:22
lt's called juice.
And it greases a father's insides
:05:25
so that he can better swallow
the shit his son feeds him twice a year
:05:29
when he can be bothered
coming to visit him.
:05:32
So that night,
Daddy took Mommy to Pop's bar,
:05:36
where she got to meet
Pop's other children,
:05:39
his best friends Greenie and Block.
:05:42
Hey, your kid's cuttin' a rug.
:05:49
Who are you, Connie Chung?
:05:53
Daddy said, because Mommy
survived her first trip to Jersey,
:05:57
he knew she was a keeper.
:06:04
He said they celebrated their
engagement by going out for pizza.
:06:11
And that's how I got here.
:06:14
Do we have enough of these at home,
or should l steal some?
:06:17
lf you're gonna steal something,
steal some rubber gloves.
:06:20
:06:34
- Thank you!
- You're welcome!
:06:38
And with that,
everyone lived happily ever after.
:06:43
Almost.
:06:44
Look, you've got two minutes,
and then we have to go, OK?
:06:47
- Or l'm gonna leave.
- Would you stop rushing me?
:06:49
l don't understand how somebody who had
all day sitting around to get ready
:06:53
waits till 20 minutes
before we have to leave!
:06:55
You try getting anything accomplished
with this big gut in your way!
:06:57
This is one of the few days of the year
that l can be fired for being late!