:02:00
So, if you're ready...
:02:02
I'd like to begin with
a few background questions.
:02:04
No. All wrong. Start by putting
the subject at ease.
:02:09
- Would you care for a drink, Mac?
- Why, a glass of water would be very nice.
:02:12
Do anything fun this weekend?
:02:15
My daughters were in town,
so I never stopped.
:02:17
We had a marvelous meal
Saturday night.
:02:19
- Really? What did you cook?
- I started with a little...
:02:21
See how much more relaxed
she's become?
:02:23
If you ease in
with innocuous questions...
:02:25
people forget
they're giving sex histories.
:02:28
How did you first
find out about masturbation?
:02:30
I invented it, son.
:02:32
Sometimes I tie a rope
around my balls when I jerk off.
:02:35
- And what other masochistic acts do you enjoy?
- Does that mean "queer"?
:02:39
How often do you have intercourse?
:02:41
- Two or three times.
- A month?
:02:44
- No, a day.
- Mmm.
:02:48
How often do you reach orgasm?
:02:50
- Once.
- A day?
:02:53
No. Only once.
:02:55
About 20 years ago.
:02:57
I was sitting on a piano stool
listening to music.
:03:00
Mm. Oh, that's good.
:03:02
How old were you when you first engaged
in sexual activity with a partner?
:03:05
- Fourteen.
- How?
:03:08
With horse.
:03:13
How often were you having intercourse
with animals at age 14?
:03:16
Is true. I fucked a pony.
:03:19
You are genius.
How did you know?
:03:21
You just said
you had sex with a horse.
:03:25
No. Whores.
:03:27
Not horse. Whores.
:03:29
Do you find my answers typical?
:03:31
- Am I normal?
- Am I normal?
:03:33
Am I normal?
:03:37
Yes. I found a book
in the dining room buffet...
:03:41
under all the tablecloths,
and I used to put it under my shirt...
:03:45
and go into the bathroom
and sit and read it.
:03:48
But I was very frightened.
:03:49
- She told her mother that she didn't like it.
- How will I get it back?
:03:54
Or maybe it was just
her mother who didn't like it.
:03:58
Before you know it,
the police bangin' on the front door.