:15:00
I was hopping along,
minding my own business.
:15:02
All of a sudden,
up he comes, cures me!
:15:05
One minute,
I'm a leper with a trade;
:15:07
next minute,
my livelihood's gone.
:15:09
"You're cured, mate".
Bloody dogooder.
:15:11
Well, why don't you go and tell him
that you want to be a leper again?
:15:15
I could do that, sir.
Yeah, I could do that, I suppose.
:15:17
I was gonna ask him if he'd
make me a bit lame in one leg
during the middle of the week.
:15:21
You know, something beggable but not
leprosy, which is a pain in the ass.
:15:25
Brian! Come and clean
your room out!
:15:27
There you are.
Thank you, sir. Thank
:15:30
Half a denary?
Me bloody life story.
:15:33
There's no pleasing
some people.
:15:35
That's just
what Jesus said, sir.
:15:48
Oh!
Good afternoon.
:15:52
Oh, uh, hello, officer.
:15:54
I'll be with you in a few
moments, all right, dear?
:15:58
What's he doing here?
Don't start that, Brian.
Go and clean your room out.
:16:01
Bloody Romans!
Now look, Brian.
:16:04
If it wasn't for him,
we wouldn't have all this.
:16:06
And don't you forget it.
We don't owe the Romans anything, Mum.
:16:10
Well, that's not entirely true.
What do you mean?
:16:13
Well, you know you were
asking me about your
My nose?
:16:17
Yes. Well, there's a reason
it's like it is, Brian.
:16:20
What is it?
:16:22
Well, I suppose I should've
told you a long time ago
:16:25
What?
Well, Brian...
:16:28
your father
isn't Mr. Cohen.
:16:31
Well, I never thought he was.
None of your cheek!
:16:34
He was a Roman, Brian.
:16:37
He was a centurion
in the Roman army.
:16:40
You mean you were raped?
Well, at first, yes.
:16:44
Who was it?
Naughtius Maximus, his name was.
:16:47
Promised me
the known world, he did.
:16:50
I was to be taken to Rome,
housed by the Forum
:16:53
slaves, asses' milk,
:16:55
as much gold as I could eat.
:16:57
Then he, having his way
with me, he had