Oleanna

:41:28

You see, I love to teach.

:41:31

And I flatter myself
I'm skilled at it.

:41:34

And I love the aspect
of performance.

:41:36

I think I must confess that.

:41:38

When I found I love to teach...

:41:41

I swore that
I would not become...

:41:43

that cold, rigid automaton
of an instructor...

:41:46

which I had encountered
as a child.

:41:48

Now, I was not unconscious...

:41:51

that it was given me
to err upon the other side.

:41:53

And so I asked
and asked myself...

:41:56

if I had engaged in heterodoxy...

:41:58

I will not say gratuitously...

:42:00

for I do not care
to posit orthodoxy...

:42:02

as a given good...

:42:05

But to the detriment
of my students.

:42:12

Yes.

:42:15

As I said...

:42:16

when the possibility
of tenure opened...

:42:19

and, of course,
I had long pursued it...

:42:23

I was, of course,
happy and covetous of it.

:42:30

I asked myself
if I was wrong to covet it...

:42:33

and thought about it long
and, I hope, truthfully...

:42:37

and saw in myself
several things...

:42:41

in, I think,
no particular order...

:42:44

and I would like
to share them with you.

:42:47

That I would pursue it...

:42:51

that I desired it...

:42:53

that I was not pure of longing
for security...

:42:56

and that perhaps
was not reprehensible in me.

:42:59

That I had duties
beyond the school...