1:06:02
He's always tellin' stories. Every time
we come here he's got another story.
1:06:05
But we all heard this one.
Go ahead. Say it anyway.
1:06:09
I will go ahead. Thanks a lot.
Guess I have the floor now.
1:06:14
My uncle Marty's
drivin' home, right?
1:06:16
Bombed out of his tree, right? Just
hammered out of his gourd. Just wrecked.
1:06:21
This state trooper sees him, pulls him
over. So my uncle's fucked basically.
1:06:25
Got him out of the car,
tryin' to make him walk the line.
1:06:27
He gets out of the car, pukes,
and the statie's pretty sure
he's over the legal limit.
1:06:31
So he's about to throw the cuffs
on him and put him in jail.
1:06:35
All of a sudden, 50 yards down the road,
there's this huge fuckin' boom.
1:06:39
- Statie gets real spooked.
He turns around--
- He got shot?
1:06:42
No. So-- So-- You
heard this story before.
1:06:45
Yeah, Morgan, stop.
Stop.
1:06:47
Some other guy's car had hit a tree.
There was an accident.
1:06:50
[ Coughs ]
Anyway--
1:06:52
- How could he hear--
- Shut the fuck up!
1:06:54
- You're drivin' him nuts.
- I'm gonna break your neck. Shut up!
1:06:57
He told you the story
once before.
1:06:59
So he tells my uncle,
"Stay here. Don't move."
1:07:02
Statie goes runnin' down the road
to deal with the other accident.
1:07:06
After a few minutes of just
lyin' in his own piss and vomit,
1:07:09
my uncle starts wonderin'
what he's doin' there.
1:07:11
Gets up, gets in his car
and just drives home.
1:07:14
The next mornin'
my uncle's just passed out.
1:07:17
- He hears this knockin' at the door.
- [ Knocking ]
1:07:19
So he goes downstairs,
pulls the door open-- "What?"
1:07:22
It's the state trooper
that pulled him over.
1:07:24
Statie says,
"Fuck you mean, 'What?'
1:07:26
You know what. I pulled you over
last night is what, and you took off."
1:07:29
He's like, "l never
seen you before in my life.
1:07:32
I've been home all night with my kids.
I don't know who the fuck you are."
1:07:35
He's like, "You know who I am.
Let me get in your garage."
1:07:38
My uncle's like, "What?" He said, "You
heard me. Let me get in your garage."
1:07:40
He was like, "All right. Fine." Takes
him out to the garage, opens the door.
1:07:43
And there's-- The statie's police
cruiser is in my uncle's garage.
1:07:48
- [ Morgan Laughing ]
- He was so fuckin'--
1:07:50
He was so fuckin' hammered
he drove the wrong car home.
1:07:53
The best part about it is,
the fuckin' state trooper...
1:07:56
was so embarrassed
he didn't do anything.
1:07:59
He'd been drivin' around all night in my
uncle's Chevelle, lookin' for the house.