1:07:02
Statie goes runnin' down the road
to deal with the other accident.
1:07:06
After a few minutes of just
lyin' in his own piss and vomit,
1:07:09
my uncle starts wonderin'
what he's doin' there.
1:07:11
Gets up, gets in his car
and just drives home.
1:07:14
The next mornin'
my uncle's just passed out.
1:07:17
- He hears this knockin' at the door.
- [ Knocking ]
1:07:19
So he goes downstairs,
pulls the door open-- "What?"
1:07:22
It's the state trooper
that pulled him over.
1:07:24
Statie says,
"Fuck you mean, 'What?'
1:07:26
You know what. I pulled you over
last night is what, and you took off."
1:07:29
He's like, "l never
seen you before in my life.
1:07:32
I've been home all night with my kids.
I don't know who the fuck you are."
1:07:35
He's like, "You know who I am.
Let me get in your garage."
1:07:38
My uncle's like, "What?" He said, "You
heard me. Let me get in your garage."
1:07:40
He was like, "All right. Fine." Takes
him out to the garage, opens the door.
1:07:43
And there's-- The statie's police
cruiser is in my uncle's garage.
1:07:48
- [ Morgan Laughing ]
- He was so fuckin'--
1:07:50
He was so fuckin' hammered
he drove the wrong car home.
1:07:53
The best part about it is,
the fuckin' state trooper...
1:07:56
was so embarrassed
he didn't do anything.
1:07:59
He'd been drivin' around all night in my
uncle's Chevelle, lookin' for the house.
1:08:02
All right, Chuck, what the fuck
is the point of your story?
1:08:06
He got away.
That's the point.
1:08:08
- Well, question--
- Come on. Stop.
1:08:11
- I'm tryin' to clarify somethin'.
- You're embarrassing him.
1:08:14
- It doesn't make any sense.
- It does make sense,
1:08:16
if you listen to the story
and quit askin' questions.
1:08:18
Well, let's see if you can get this one.
I've got a little story for you.
1:08:22
All right, there's an old couple
in bed, Mary and Paddie.
1:08:26
They wake up on the morning
of their 50th anniversary.
1:08:32
Mary looks over and
gazes adoringly at Paddie.
1:08:35
She's like,
"Oh, Jesus, Paddie.
1:08:37
You're such a good-looking
feller. I love ya.
1:08:39
I want to give ya
a little present.
1:08:41
Anything your little heart desires,
I'm goin' to give it to ya.
1:08:44
What would ya like?
1:08:46
Paddie's like, "Oh, gee, Mary.
That's a very sweet offer.
1:08:51
Now, in 50 years, there's one thing
that's been missing,
1:08:56
and, uh, I would like you
to give me a blow job.
1:08:59
I would like for it."
Mary's like, "All right."