:06:02
Where are you from, Taj?
:06:05
I'm an exchange student
from Banglapur, India.
:06:08
Welcome.
What can we do for you?
:06:12
My exchange program culminates
at the end of this school year...
:06:15
at which time I must return
to my home country...
:06:18
where I do not have many friends.
:06:21
I would like very much to spend my
remaining days here as your assistant.
:06:25
Okay. We're just gonna do
a little word association.
:06:27
Say the first thing
that comes to your mind. Milk.
:06:29
Tit!
:06:31
Oh, Mommy.
:06:33
Most Indians would say "cow"
because they are sacred...
:06:35
but I hear "milk,"
I think giant jugs.
:06:38
You see, I cannot
go home a virgin.
:06:41
I came here to study the great
American art of muff diving.
:06:45
To smack clam, munch rug...
:06:48
dine at just one American
pink taco stand.
:06:51
You know, I wanted to-- how is it--
park the porpoise.
:06:54
I want to take it
through the car wash, baby.
:06:58
And get it waxed.
I want to wax it. Wax it!
:07:01
You know, and air dry.
:07:03
Air dry that shit, yeah.
:07:06
And I would like to be
your assistant very much...
:07:10
Mr. Van Wilder.
:07:12
You'll need a copy of my class schedule
so you can take notes.
:07:14
You'll also handle my finances.
:07:16
I lecture at the freshman crisis group
every other Monday.
:07:18
I'm spearheading the Save
the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular...
:07:20
and the Bloated Belly Beer Bash
to Battle Bulimia this semester.
:07:22
This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's
gone by he hasn't had an ailment.
:07:25
Shingles, hepatitis, crabs.
That was his fault.
:07:27
- Matzo ball soup. Jewish penicillin.
- Thanks, Van.
:07:30
Don't pick at it.
Moving on.
:07:32
I'm moving my 7:15 to 8:15,
my 8:15 to 9:45...
:07:35
and my 9:45 till Wednesday.
:07:37
You owe $75,000 for the speed boat.
:07:39
Cancel my guest lecture
at the Wharton School next week.
:07:41
I feel like going somewhere tropical.
Tahiti. Are you writing this down?
:07:44
- Yes, sir.
- You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred.
:07:46
Schedule a massage after my golf game
tomorrow afternoon.
:07:50
- With a happy ending?
- Ah, yes.
:07:52
And another $39,000 for your son's
tuition and housing this semester.
:07:56
Tuition?
Van is still in school?
:07:59
For the better part of a decade.