:07:01
You know, and air dry.
:07:03
Air dry that shit, yeah.
:07:06
And I would like to be
your assistant very much...
:07:10
Mr. Van Wilder.
:07:12
You'll need a copy of my class schedule
so you can take notes.
:07:14
You'll also handle my finances.
:07:16
I lecture at the freshman crisis group
every other Monday.
:07:18
I'm spearheading the Save
the Swim Team Speedo Spectacular...
:07:20
and the Bloated Belly Beer Bash
to Battle Bulimia this semester.
:07:22
This is Sick Boy's room. Not a week's
gone by he hasn't had an ailment.
:07:25
Shingles, hepatitis, crabs.
That was his fault.
:07:27
- Matzo ball soup. Jewish penicillin.
- Thanks, Van.
:07:30
Don't pick at it.
Moving on.
:07:32
I'm moving my 7:15 to 8:15,
my 8:15 to 9:45...
:07:35
and my 9:45 till Wednesday.
:07:37
You owe $75,000 for the speed boat.
:07:39
Cancel my guest lecture
at the Wharton School next week.
:07:41
I feel like going somewhere tropical.
Tahiti. Are you writing this down?
:07:44
- Yes, sir.
- You owe $200,000 for the thoroughbred.
:07:46
Schedule a massage after my golf game
tomorrow afternoon.
:07:50
- With a happy ending?
- Ah, yes.
:07:52
And another $39,000 for your son's
tuition and housing this semester.
:07:56
Tuition?
Van is still in school?
:07:59
For the better part of a decade.
:08:05
"Depression:
Is Prozac really the answer?"
:08:08
"Famine-- Crisis in Rwanda."
:08:10
"Tracking Tuition:
Where does our money really go?"
:08:12
Each article well-written and researched
by our own Gwen Pearson...
:08:16
and each article skipped over
by the majority of the student body.
:08:20
I don't care.
I won't pander to them.
:08:27
"Lite Beer vs. Dark-- The Showdown"
by Darius Grayson.
:08:31
- Is that the same--
- Pulitzer-prize winning Darius Grayson.
:08:34
He was an alumnus
of our journalism staff.
:08:36
He wrote his best stuff in detox.
Still does, I'm told.
:08:39
I have got a very challenging
assignment for you.
:08:43
A story that nobody's
been able to get.
:08:45
- About what?
- No, no. It's about whom.