:23:00
Yeah, it must be tough
living in paradise.
:23:02
Oh, yeah.
you love it now, butjustwait.
:23:11
Hey, you guys ever hear the story
ofthe Machete Maniac?.
:23:14
Ooh!
:23:16
Let's hear it.
:23:18
Yeah, I don't know.
It's probably too scary for you guys.
:23:21
- No. No, it's not.
- No, come on, Dave. Please, tell us the story.
:23:25
All right, what the hell.
:23:28
This must've been, like,
15 years ago, you know?.
:23:31
We had a kid working at the club
named Phil Coletti.
:23:34
And one night-
it was a night a lot like tonight-
:23:39
this gorgeous woman comes into the club,
asks him ifhe wants to go out to thejungle.
:23:42
He's like, "Yeah. Whynot?'"
:23:44
So they split. And as they started
getting out to the jungle...
:23:48
further and further away
from the lights ofthe club...
:23:52
she starts asking him
these questions, like...
:23:54
does he believe
in the local legends ofthe island...
:23:58
voodoo, zombies.
:24:00
He's not too worriedabout it.
:24:04
Hejust rolls right over,
starts putting the screws to her.
:24:06
But something doesn't
feel right to Coletti.
:24:10
But he can't see shit. It's pitch black,
so he just keeps bangin' away.
:24:14
But then, boom!
:24:16
A flash oflightning lights up the
whole island, and in that one moment...
:24:20
Coletti looks around and sees not only is he
out in the middle ofthat old Mayan cemetery...
:24:25
not only are all the other guys from
the resort standing around watching him...
:24:29
but he sees that
he's having sex with a corpse.
:24:34
A cold, white...
:24:36
dirty-from-the-grave dead body.
:24:40
And they say...
:24:43
Phil Coletti calmly walked
to the groundskeeper's shack...
:24:46
founda machete...
:24:48
and chopped those staff members
into a hundred pieces.
:24:53
And they say
he took that same machete...
:24:57
chopped his own dick off
and ran screaming into the jungle.