:45:03
And it would end so quickly,
so abruptly,
:45:08
I wouldn't even have time
to feel any sort of
:45:10
morbid, accidental amusement
towards his "technique,"
:45:14
which was basically him
seizuring on top of me
:45:16
for, oh, about 45 seconds,
:45:19
while I laid there trying
not to laugh... or cry.
:45:22
Ouch.
:45:24
Is it any wonder why you still date girls
in high school?
:45:27
They're the only ones left.
They don't know any better.
:45:29
Okay, okay. All right.
:45:32
First of all, for the record,
:45:34
I always had an orgasm
when we had sex.
:45:37
Secondly, everybody knows
that I'm orally fixated.
:45:40
You can't deny that I played your vagina
like a violin.
:45:43
Oh! As if that somehow negates the fact
that once we got past foreplay,
:45:48
you turned into the little engine
that couldn't hold his load.
:45:50
Oh, what the fuck ever!
:45:53
If I was that bad, then why were
you at my house every night?
:45:56
All I had to do was call
and say, "Hey. I'm horny."
:45:59
And then fucking poof!
:46:01
As if by some form of slut magic
you'd appear. Now why is that?
:46:05
Because at first, I really
liked spending time with you.
:46:08
I thought you were a genuinely
interesting guy to be around.
:46:10
Very true.
:46:11
But eventually, it all wore thin.
I realized that your personality
:46:15
was just one short punctuated
joke after another,
:46:17
much like our sex life.
:46:20
And, oh, Monty, do you remember
why we stopped dating?
:46:24
Yeah, I do.
Because you were old news.
:46:27
I was looking at other girls and getting bored.
Basically, that was why.
:46:31
Yeah, yeah. All that.
:46:33
And the fact that I dumped you.
:46:35
- Wait, I thought you said you dumped...
- Shut up, Calvin.
:46:37
I was just trying to let you down easy,
but this is bullshit.
:46:40
We both know that you enjoyed
having sex with me.
:46:44
The only real pleasure I ever got
from having sex with you
:46:47
came from making fun of it
later with my friends.
:46:49
- Tell him, Amy.
- It's true. We laughed a lot at your expense.
:46:52
So you know when you're walking past
a group of people, you hear them laughing,
:46:56
you sometimes get that paranoid
self-conscious feeling?
:46:59
Maybe they're laughing about you
when they're really not?